Unsure

I’ve been feeling despondent these last few days ever since I left the doctor’s office 4 days back and what he told me left me with a pang!

Not knowing what it really was somehow makes things worse. I decided to look it up on the internet when I got back to the office, just to be sure that I’m not upsetting myself foolishly for no particular reason and that I’m not just hypothesizing what he told me.

What I found out wasn’t what I expected – I expected something positive, encouraging from my finding – telling me that it’s all so common that there’s a straight forward cure for it and that… and this… and all… but there wasn’t any of those… Well, there was a bit note of hope but then again it wasn’t really promising. I supposed until I get things properly checked up then will I know for sure whether there’s something to be anxious about or not.

I’ve spoken to James and close friends about what the doctor told me and obviously they were sympathetic and concerned. Nothing to be alarmed they say – which I agree lock, stock and barrel!

In the meantime I’ll just pray to Allah that everything will be okay and whatever that I have to take in hand in the future, I will face up to it in a calmly fashion and always know that no matter what happens, Allah knows best! :-)

Confirmed!

It’s been ages since I write anything here in my blogspot…

I’m glad to say that it’s all booked now. Flights back to and from Singapore. It will be a 17 days holiday back home. Not enough for me… not sure about James but absolutely not enough time for me to catch up with family and friends in just 17 days. I need a month – a month to stay in Singapore and just meet everyone… But that will do for a while eh?

I hurt my hip today and I don’t know how that happened. I woke up, took a shower, got myself ready for work, had my breakfast and when I stood up from the chair, my hip just started to hurt… I drove James to work and it just got worse but I just thought maybe it might get better when I reached work and have a seat… Walked around a bit in the office and the pain ease down a bit, so I was bit relieved…

The parcel for James didn’t come today and I am really worried now. I’m just so afraid that the parcel might be missing somewhere but let’s hope not coz what I got him wasn’t cheap at all!!! So, let’s hope that it will arrive tomorrow…

Gotta lose another 2 pounds till Wednesday so hope I’m able shed those pounds!!!

REPLIES #1

First and foremost, I would like to apologise to all bloggers who left comments on my previous entries. I’m not sure why, but whenever I want to leave a reply to your comments clicking the icon doesn’t seem to work. I keep clicking the “comment” but nothing appear – no comment box no nothing and so that’s why my last 2 entries I couldn’t reply your wonderful comments on my comment box… So people, any suggestions to what I should do or what I’ve done wrong? I’m at my wits end! I feel really guilty for not being able to reply your comments…. And so, I shall reply it here temporarily. Do bear with me with this:

We’ll Do It Together (Dated 6th January)

At 7/1/06 1:13 AM, Ely said…
go back to singapore in april...hmmm, are u going to stay there til july to wait for me? Hehehehe

At 8/1/06 6:37 AM, hartini said…
*teehee @ humping and pumping exercise* :D Hope u r having fun at Manchester!! :) It has been gloomy here too - been raining non-stop since last nite. I love it!! Feels like the weather in London! Like I've been there to know...! *LOL* Hope u have fun at that exercise program too! And all the best! U can do it, girl!! ;)

At 10/1/06 5:11 AM, apples said…
Hmm that's funny, thought I had my post up here earlier? Did you get it? I was mentioning about taking note of that Sun and Moon Song in Ms Saigon? Ok girl, have a good day there and Wishing you Eid Adha!

MJ REPLY:
ELY: Malangnya we don’t have that privileged to stay in Singapore that long (wish I could). It would be nice kan? Next time jom kita plan sama-sama

HARTINI: *wink* done and dusted! Had a great time in Manchaster but unfortunately the seats in the Theatre are wee bit small and we’ve got to like squeeze our butt to fit in it (not that my butt is huge or anything).

APPLES: I think I did notice it but am not sure… We were sat at the high end away from the theatre and I must say that the sound system wasn’t that good and also, the main character (was it Kim?) wasn’t good at all and didn’t thoroughly enjoy it that much though… The only best part was the Male Character – good voice good bod too!!! Hee! Hee! *wink* Will definitely get the DVD of it though just to see the difference.

REPLY #2

Difficult To Forget Dated: 10th January

At 13/1/06 3:20 PM, hartini said…

At 15/1/06 9:08 AM, Apples said…
heh, cute:)

At 15/1/06 3:14 PM, suriyati said…
mamijarum, I went to your multiply blog.. I felt in love with that blogsite though.. It's so clean and everything there.. I mean the layout. I thought of opening one there.. ;)

At 17/1/06 2:25 PM, bunkerangs said…
alah hartini..obviously i think z is gay..hehehe....or he had a crush on r..anyway, mamijarum..thank you for dropping by my blog..hehe..i saw your gambar then i realised that you were on suriyati's multiply list and i pun click you as my friend..hahahah...takper kiter seme blog buddies.. *G*...

i have been coming here often too..via suriyati's and hartini's. best nyer you kat UK..wish we were there now...not that it's not nice here..but as they say..grass is always greener on the other side :)wel, ni long nyer comment ni..i was wondering..like me..do you sort of try to look for past ex-es you know..i do..to just find out what they are up to and all that. sometimes when going back..i would wonder if i would bump into them and if i did..what would their reaction be and all that..hehehe...but of course..must make sure i look good lah..hahahaha

MJ REPLY:

HARTINI: That was such a bitter sweet experience, wasn't it... Does bring back some old memories of back then when I was young and oh so naive - makes me feel so stupid then *hahahaa* I was wondering, was Z gay?? Just wondering why he re-wrote your letters... and he falling in love with R... that is strange!! Maybe Z was the one who was in love with u???? and didn't want to share u with R. Possible? :)

Don’t we all feel that way when we were young eh? Well, as long as we learn through experience not to do it again than it’s all good!
I think that time he was gay but I just didn’t realise it! He likes girlie stuff and never like to hang out with the boys during recess time etc… Now, he has become a transverstite (right spelling?) Met up with him years ago and was totally traumatized when I saw him/her… Make-up, tight woman blouse, tight pants (trust me you couldn’t see anything DOWN there!)… I feel sorry for him though!

Apples: I know! He ( R ) was really a sweet boy!

SURIYATI: By Now I guess you’ll be using that site more often eh? I know what u mean! That site is a lot easier to manage (especially for someone like me who is an IT Idiot) and nothing complicated! I love it too and I love what you did with yours!!! Keep it up!

BUNKERANGS: What does BUNKERANGS mean? Bunking around? Hee! Hee! Thanks for dropping by my blog too! You are right! Z is gay – kesian dia…

I got your blog from Suriyati too thanks to her of course!!! Yup! U are right but somehow over here I don’t see much grass… Better than in Singapore I guess despite the weather, everything being expensive here… Still, grateful that I’m given the opportunity to stay here, thank to the hubby! Hee! Hee! *wink* *wink*

I did try to but only manage to fid R and not the rest… Ialah, just want to know what they are up to kan? Nothing else… We must look damn good and show them we are doing extremely well and looking good…

Another One?

It’s James 27th birthday tomorrow and what I’m getting him for a gift is no longer a surprise. Why? Well, since I paid that thing using my Switch card and bought it over the internet from Play.com, it shows in our bank statement what’s been bought and from where and how much.

Gosh! Is there no privacy anymore?! That’s why I want so much to open my own account but since I don’t have my driving licence nor my passport with me at the moment (still with the Immigration for my Visa), there’s no chance at all I can open a new account. I apply for a credit card from my bank recently but since I have no credit history they rejected me and so I’m credit card-less. Not that I need it anyway but I find it very convenient especially if I want to purchase things over the net and not only in the UK but also in the US or Singapore or anywhere in the world. On the other hand, it’s a good thing also coz I’m not reliable when it comes to Credit Card. I’m afraid that I might over spend or do something foolish with it so it’s better not to have that ever evil Credit Card.

“It’s just another birthday,” is what he says when I asked about how we should celebrate it. “I don’t really care to be honest.” Hmmm… If that’s how you feel lovey, then should I care too?

Of course I will! I’ll still cook that special meal for him – birthday meal, though it’s gotta be done after I come back from the Conley class. I wanna miss the class but he insist that I go – you pay for it so you got to go – well that’s what he says!

I think this time I kinda bought too many presents him! Compulsive buyer they say! Just can’t get enough purchasing stuff for him! I don’t dare to look at the bank statement – afraid that what I see might give me a heart attack but I know that I overspent. Will have time to recuperate – let’s hope so!

And Thursday, we’ll be going to a Chinese Restaurant with the Ma & Pa and Brother-in-law & fiancé in Keighley. Will definitely have vegetarian coz that’s all that I’m allowed!

Hope it will be a nice one!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING DEAREST

REPLY #3

Another One? Dated: 17th January

At 17/1/06 8:25 PM, Ely said…
Happy Birthday James!!! wish i was 27 again :( MJ, you're like me, shared account, no surprises. unless u use cash to buy the gift, he will know how much u took out but not where u bought his stuff.

At 18/1/06 3:29 AM, suriyati said…
Mamijarum,When you apply at your bank ask for pocket check with visa logo so you can use that. It works the same as the credit card but you tak bayar the high APR and your don't get credit card line just your normal account line. Just my thoughts. ;)

At 18/1/06 5:37 AM, Yaslam said…
So James share the same birthday month as me MJ. We January babies are like that...we said we don't care about our birthdays but deep inside we really hope that people will notice..heh..heh...heh. :D

At 18/1/06 11:12 AM, Apples said…
Happy B-day to your hubby, MJ!Psst! Hey some tips from me for those married and living overseas. 1) Try not to have shared account. If you do, have another account of your own..very important. Best if you have account at home, too!(in Singapore, I mean)2) Enough money, buy your own house in Singapore. Good investment at least for yourself. 3) Forget about Credit Card (I'm getting rid of mine!) Try Debit Card instead!(the one which Suriyati mentioned)4) Know the law well!eeks you hubby might kill me for this! But you need to be a bit smart jugak kan;)

MJ REPLY

ELY: Thanks for the wishes! He thoroughly enjoyed his gifts I bought him. Too bad no pictures were taken coz battery flat! You look 27 my dear!
Time for us to be that independent woman and open that account for ourselves!!! Hee! Hee!!!

SURIYATI: Good Idea, will ask them that when I go to the bank to open up an account for myself.

YASLAM: If your birthday has passed – HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY but if it’s not then HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! Yah Lah! You January babies are hard to please – oh hang on, is that just men IN GENERAL that are just sooo difficult to understand and pleased?

APPLES: Thanks for the wishes and Thanks for the tips… It’s good to have a shared account but it’s even better I guess if I have my own account too so that I’m able to declare it as my money and not OUR money… Can I buy my own house in Singapore even if my hubby is a non-Singaporean? We were talking about buying a house in Singapore and then rent it out but not sure if we could! More info please?!!!

Difficult To Forget

I was only a young naïve 10 year old girl who don’t know better. That was the age where I felt liberated, I felt that the world was a beautiful place to live in… The age where I felt that I could be the most dazzling, magnificent girl in school or even in the planet. I was free from care, I was in love or so I thought that I was. I suppose it’s what you called puppy love. Which I’m most certain that a lot of people in this planet one way or the other had their first crush, first puppy love that they cannot forget, ever!

“…and they call it puppy luuurrrvveeee…

My best friend Z was a little bit of a softy and when I said softy, I meant a soft – he’s like a girl, he’s more than a girl, he’s just like what we Malay call a Bapok. He likes to hang around with us girls so much that we thought that he’s turning into a girl himself but during that time, we didn’t know what gay or lesbian means so we just thought that he’s just weird and probably because his siblings are all girls, so he’s more comfortable being around girls. His dad was a police officer and his mum was an actress in Singapore and those days, she was a popular and a first-rate actress and probably still.

Z and I we were like two peas in a pot… We were like… sisters (with a tune)… We hang out together, we go swimming together, we will have sleepovers (which was hardly ever coz my dad hate it when I slept at others house. He always says that why would you want to sleep in someone else’s house when you have your own house? Macam tak ada rumah sendiri gituk nak tidur rumah orang!) at his place and just we’ll just chill and do those girlish stuff and also we’ll do our homework there. I like going over to his place coz his apartment was bigger than mine and he has a balcony and those times, if you have a balcony, you are rich! Well, not mega rich but you’re sure well off! I’m always in awe whenever I stepped into his house. It’s just so spacious and so comfortable and I just felt privileged to be there… It may not be a big deal to others but compared to our 2 bedroom flat, it was a huge deal to me… Of course, I befriended him not because his parents were rich or he has a famous mum or that he has a bigger house than me or that he always gives me his teddy bears… not at all! We just get along really well! I get really offended when some of the kids called him names and I always try my best to defend him coz I know he’s not that and I know it’s just a phase that he was just going through… (Boy was I wrong!)

I couldn’t really bring to mind how it happened or from where he came into view but he just did and how he took my breath away and I bet not only my breath, all the girls breath in that school! (No air to breath!!) Well they say first love last forever don’t they?

It’s a bit vague on what happened between the three of us… Z, R and me…

I remembered that the moment I saw him, I was head over heels… His hair was sandy brown, fair skin, big bright brown eyes, sharp nose, luscious, beautiful lips and was the most good-looking boy I’ve ever seen… and not to mention that he’s of a mixed race and that time it was really rare to find them breed! (And no, that’s not the reason why I married my husband or that I have a thing about Caucasian – it just happened!)

It took me A LONG time to speak to him. Z was the middle boy… Or should I say the meddler? Somehow Z knows R from somewhere and they ended hanging out which also means that I hang out with them too… But I was really shy with R (but I wasn’t known to be shy even as a kid so this one is exceptional). Every time I’m with him or near him, I got tongue tight. I just kept mummed and just couldn’t utter a single word… But then, he started to write letters to me (which I still kept until now) and of course I replied to him and our postman will be Z always… I think it did took us a long time coz in the middle of me admiring and oogling over him, he got himself a Chinese ‘girlfriend’ and I was left disappointed but not crushed coz somewhere along the line I always thought that we were meant to be together.

Despite all that, we started to develop this friendship (that I call lurrve on my part and probably on his part was just a normal friendship) and we decided to meet up at our local swimming pool (I considered this as our first date) as we all love to go to the swimming pool after school for a swim (and you thought that with our frequent trip to the swimming pool that I have become this great swimmer – but no, still a crap at it!). In one of his litter he wrote that he’ll ring me and we’ll meet up on Saturday (I think!) at so and so time and I replied by giving him my home number and told him I was looking forward to our first unofficial date… So I waited, and waited and waited and when Saturday came, nothing! I was disappointed, my heart was crushed! How could he lie to me? What happened? I called Z and he said that maybe something came up and before we put the phone down he gave me R’s number… But it was a wrong number… Hmmm… why did he give me a wrong number? Oh well! I must dialled wrong. Later on, I found out that he did go to the pool with Z which I find that to be odd considering that Z told me R went to Johore or something but in the end I found out that Z told R that I wasn’t coming, that I back out…

So, to make story short, ultimately we never really had that date and I found out that Z has been reading our letters first hand before actually passing to us and it appears that my letters to R, Z re-wrote everything and sign off as me and R never got my letter…

One way or another, he was the one who’s in love with R and that he doesn’t want us to be together and so he wrote all this nasty things in all the letters that I wrote to R… No wonder we had a ‘lover’s tiff’ during that period… Well, not really a lover’s tiff but just that we didn’t speak to each other and I always get this cold shoulder from R. I couldn’t understand why he was up in arms at me or what has been said but R just wouldn’t talk to me…

Then one day, I found out that R was no longer studying in our school. Rumour has it that he went back to Malaysia to continue his studies there or something like that… I don’t know.

Anyway, I can still remember the weird dreams that I had of him and I still have all the letters that he gave me. I still kept it back home in Singapore. Just some of my memorable past that I thought I would like to cherish. I never threw away all the letters that he gave me or any letters that my friend and I wrote to each other… I guess, when I grow older and bored, I could just pick those few letters up and read them through and just reminiscing those good times that I had when I was young and naïve and a teenager. Does this make me sound like a granny? Well, I’m just a sentimental being you see!

Last year, I went in the Friendster website and just type in his name and voila! R’s name popped out and he’s THE guy that I briefly knew 17 years ago – now was that a coincidence or what? Of course he still looks good and well built and attached… and… gosh… what a small world!

We'll Do It Together!

It’s been a gloomy morning today or any other day for that matter! The weather girl says that it might snow this weekend which is great cause I am looking forward to that! I love snow, though I don’t really appreciate the coldness nevertheless, we can’t have everything go our way can we?

I got back to work yesterday and I must say it’s good to be back! Not that I don’t enjoy those holidays given to me but if you’ve got nought to do and nowhere to go, it does get a bit boring.

I decided to tell my bosses about our trip to good old Singapore in April yesterday and to my amazement, they were all right about it! I was expecting a bit of hesitation from them when I told about the holiday, but nothing. Instead they were thrilled about it seeing that I didn’t get the opportunity to go back home last year. Anyway, that’s all done and dusted!

The weekend is upon us again and tomorrow, we will be going down to Manchester to watch Miss Saigon – now that will be good won’t it? Thing is, Mikey received a text last night from L stating that it would be nice to be invited…

Ooopps! We forgot to ask them if they would like to watch Miss Saigon with us this weekend!! Well, considering that they ALWAYS have plans over the weekend whenever the gang (which is all of us) ask them out, we just assume that they might have plans this weekend too… So, she’s not pleased with us at this very moment… Well, we couldn’t care less! No! Kidding only! Of course we’re not that nasty and Of course we feel guilty about not inviting them – I know I do! But what can we do? It was a struggle for us to get the tickets for tomorrow considering that it’s a popular show and tickets were sold like hot cakes – honest!!! Anyway, I wonder how I’m gonna face her on Wednesday eh if she’s still mad at us – even me!?

Thing is we decide to join the Rosemary Conley Diet & Exercise program at Coley near where I live. What it does is it gives you an idea of which diet is suitable for you and they have different type of exercise classes that you can participate and they also do a regular check on your weight! We’ll have our weigh in every time we go to the class and a bit of pep talk on diets etc and then to business –the Aerobics exercise!

I go to motivate Lucy and be her diet partner/buddy. We plan to shed those pounds together and ready to be a knock out for her wedding in 2007 and also to help me lose those pounds before I go back to Singapore in April and also before R’s wedding… It will be worth it!

Also since it’s only once a week (Wednesday), I decided to take up another sport that I’m starting to love - Squash session with my lady boss every Friday starting next Friday of course, so this will be great I tell you! Healthy lifestyle for me!

And James? Well… he’s not really into running or aerobics or going to the gym and furthermore he says that he gets enough exercise from working on site, so he’s not really that bothered actually! Healthy eating is all he’ll get from me then!!! And of course with the ‘humping and pumping exercise’ (to put it bluntly and not in a crude way! *wink* *wink*) it will help him lose those pounds too wouldn’t it?

Sorry it Took this Long!

Wow! 2006 already eh? Out goes the the old - 2005... It's already the 3rd January and I've got only about one more day before I go back to work... Looking forward to it? I suppose... Nought to do at home so going back to work will filled up my time and also I'm able to lose those holiday, Christmas, New Year pounds...

So, how long has it been since my last entry? Well, first and foremost, I apologise to all my friends for the late entry in 2006... The reason?

Well, firstly, we didn't get back from Skipton till the 30th of January and found out that computer was not functioning so, unable to log in. On the 31st we went to a New Year's Eve Party to celebrate the coming New year with friends and family... Therefore, at long last, I can sit down and write my entries...

Anyway, today, Lucy, Sheila and myself went off to York for a shopping spree and boy was it a shopping spree... Never realise how biy the City Centre in York was! What did I buy? Bought myself a red flowery dress for only 10 pound (it's on Sale) which I will wear to the Miss Saigon show in Manchester this Saturday and a sweater for only 5 pound and loads of books for my reading pleasure... We spend almost 4 hours shopping - walking around The City Cente and just exploring - the shops that is...

At long last! I found a pair of boots that fit me perfectly considering that I've got huge calves and it's always difficult to get the right pair... And so for only 25 pound (it was half price) I manage to find myself these lovely pairs of boots :-

So, whatya think? It's great for the winter isn't it? BUT when I got home, apparently I've got a similar pair of boots and with the same colour! I tell you, before I bought it, I was actually contemplating between a dark brown and this one and I chose this one obviously! But never mind, this will be my 'outing' boots!

So, this is just part of the City Centre in York that I manage to take... The battery was low



Anyway, I had a great time - we all did and it's well worth the journey! We didn't drive up to York but instead we took a train from Brighouse to York coz it will be very expensive for parking and also none of us were that bothered to drive that far actually...

So anyway, right now I am totally knackered but before I go, I'm gonna post some New Year pictures we took at a party... And Yes, I do look larger than life and yes I do need to shed those excess pounds and yes... my face is as round as a ball... but nevertheless, enjoy the pictures!

Oh, and also, did I tell you what I get for Christmas from my in-laws? Well... it's something unexpected and really, really, AWESOME...

2 return tickets to Singapore to surprise my parents! Can you believe it? I can't believe it, but they did bought for us the plane tickets!!! They did, they did!!!! We've got to use the tickets within the 6 months period, so, we plan to take our holidays and fly back to Singapore in April... and again in August for R's wedding for sure!

So, my dear Singapore friends, shall we meet up for a proper Singaporean Buffett that I miss soo much????

Will let y'all know the EXACT date!!!! And If any of my cousins read this, PLEASE don't tell your mum coz I know it will get back to my parents... This is going to be a surprise for them and I am ecstatic!!! I am sooo looking forward to this!!! But only sis know about this as I wanted her to take some holiday from work...

SINGAPORE, here we come...

PS: Apple! Thanks for the tip... We are actually planning take my parents and sis to Langkawi while we're out there in Singapore and with the information you gave me, it will really help alot! This is going to be great!

Hee! Hee! These are some of the books that I bought today...